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Thursday, January 24, 2013

US MILITARY ALLOWS WOMEN INTO COMBAT

Reversing its long-standing policy excluding women from combat roles in the military, the Pentagon has announced that women will now be allowed to fight along-side men on the battlefield. The Devil's Advocate strongly supports this leap forward in the battle for human rights. Since women in our government participate in the decisions that lead us to war, they should also be allowed to kill people and get shot at if that is their desire.

In an interview with Staff Seargent, Lily White, a female combatant in the eternal war against America's enemies, Seargent White said, "Hell Yeah! We have fought for this for a long time! A woman is just as capable as any man of killing America's enemies in whatever god-d*mnd country we want! This is gonna send a real message to those Al-Quada M*thrfr's! America means freedom for everyone and if they don't wanna be free, we will put them in a world of Sh*t!"


There has been some conjecture that the Pentagon, in anticipation of an all-out war with Syria, Iran, China, Afghanistan, North Korea, Russia, and an escalated presence in various smaller countries where its influence has been waning, may simply be looking for a greater recruitment pool to make up for its recent declines in willing new soldiers: Kind of like when they decided to allow gays and lesbians to serve. When asked to confirm or deny these rumors, a high-ranking official at the Pentagon who asked that his identity remain anonymous said, "Absolutely not. We are preparing for when we can go into space. Tomorrows soldier may actually have to travel light-years across our galaxy in order to defend America. This kind of deployment can take generations! We are going to need young men and women who are capable of reproducing and training in space. Those egg-s*ckin Martians are going to have to get up pretty early in the morning if they want to catch us with our pants down!"

*This post is intended to be political satire. The views expressed here are entirely the views of the author and the Devil had nothing to do with it.